The Power Of I
05/26/2020
The I’s
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world”
- Mahatma Gandhi
I hope their people who don't judge others by how they look. I hope their are people who aren’t too quick to judge. I hope that people understand eachother better. I hope places are safer so when you’re walking around the streets you don’t feel in danger, you feel safe.
I wish we can stop what is wrong. I wish we could do good, without having to do some bad to get to it. I wish that people are forgiven, and that even for their littles mistakes, those mistakes can be forgiven.
I think that expectation of some people are set to high. I think that people can’t shut off their expectations but they can get past it. I think that people take too many things for granted, that they waste it on non needed things. I think that time is more important than money.
I want to get better at things. I want to be better at things. I want to do something other than sitting in my bed all day. I want to be something. I want to change something. I want to do something that matters. I want to do right. I want to do good. I want to face my challenges and defeat them. I want to accomplish my goals.
I tried to do my best. I tried to prove people wrong. I tried to do what I can to change. I tried to stay calm and not get mad. I tried not eat so much. I tried my best to complete my challenges.
The parallel structure you used throughout this piece made it much more powerful in general, nice job.
Posted by: Drew Callen | 04/29/2020 at 06:45 AM
I really liked your first paragraph and the meaning to it because is still a bad thing that’s going on around the world. Nice job
Posted by: Finn hudson | 05/01/2020 at 08:24 PM
Great writing! I really like the repetition, it really hammers home the point. It is a great writing peace describing the feelings of many. I think that you have hit the nail on the head and hammered home many of the key things the world wishes were better. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: Sam | 05/02/2020 at 11:15 AM
This is a really well done writing piece, I really liked the first and second paragraphs and thought that they were very powerful and well written. Overall great job.
Posted by: Chad | 05/03/2020 at 01:44 PM
Great writing! I like the use of repetition; however, it feels like there is too much, but I guess that’s unavoidable given the assignment. Great job.
Posted by: Kevin Yuan | 05/03/2020 at 06:39 PM
This writing piece is really, really good. You hammered home your theme the entire way home, and I liked how when in your fourth paragraph you got deep into what you wanted. Great job Jack!
Posted by: Will Hatten | 05/04/2020 at 06:46 AM
I liked how you used a different word for the parallel structure in each paragraph. The quote fit pretty well too.
Posted by: Mark | 05/04/2020 at 08:25 PM