The Power of Friendship
05/29/2020
Make time to be with your friends
Happiness is spending time with your friends
~unknown
Friends are always there to play. Is was dark and cold but, I was still out there playing basketball with my friends. As the video game was getting annoying and my friend was waiting for me. I knew it was time to stop playing by myself and go outside. The daylight was slowly fading but, we were still out there playing in the dark. It was me, my friend Will, and my friend Andreas. It was a dark Sunday night. We were outside in the cold playing basketball in my driveway. We could barely see the hoop. We were playing king of the court. king of the court is one on one basketball and whoever wins is the king. We were playing and I kept shooting and I got blocked a bunch of times. I got blocked because my friend Andreas in 6 foot 5. In my last one v one I got the ball I dribbled up and hesitated and ran by my friend for the basket. I was so happy because I finally scored on my friend. It didn’t matter that It was dark. It didn’t matter that it was cold. It also didn’t matter that I was the worst player playing. It was still fun to be playing basketball with my friends. No matter the weather or the light outside. It will always be fun playing with my friends
I liked how you took a different take on the theme from the other paragraphs that I have read. Instead of trying to reach deep and find an often confusing or hard to relate too theme, you choose a remarkably simple one that was truthful and clear, and ended up being much more effective in getting your point across.
Posted by: Nick Brady | 11/04/2019 at 06:35 AM
Your theme shined throughout your paragraph. Using playing instead of a deeper one Was a great refresher from the other pieces. Great theme and also great vocabulary.
Posted by: Max | 11/04/2019 at 03:27 PM
I like how you weren’t the best of the group but you still found a way to fit in.
Posted by: Colin Soukup | 11/05/2019 at 07:57 AM
Nice work, Rory. Great use of parallel structure in the final few sentences. I know it is used in many writing pieces, but I believe that the repetitiveness really does help you get your point across. I liked how you stuck to your theme, while also hinting at other themes. One example was when you said that you still had fun, despite being the worst player on the court. This hints at the theme or concept of “you dont need to be the best to have fun.”
Posted by: Oliver Ali | 11/05/2019 at 09:01 AM
The repetition at the end of the piece was very captivating. I enjoyed that the theme was more broad and then narrowed down.
Posted by: Will | 11/05/2019 at 03:40 PM
This is really cool because it is very different than mostly everyone else’s. Cool story as well. Good job!
Posted by: Sean Leahy | 11/05/2019 at 03:49 PM
Sean, its funny because we shared the same theme and I really enjoyed reading yours. I liked how you consistently came back to your theme and you really did a good job of getting your theme across, and the story. Good Job
Posted by: Dylan | 11/05/2019 at 04:02 PM
Whoops posted sean, meant Rory
Posted by: Dylan | 11/05/2019 at 04:03 PM
Great job Rory! The repetition you used really did help get your point across towards the end. You also incorporated your theme throughout the piece, and I loved it. Keep it up!
Posted by: Jamie Book | 11/05/2019 at 05:55 PM
The pure simplicity of your theme made your story both easier to relate to and to read. Keep up the great work!
Posted by: Max Troiano | 11/05/2019 at 06:06 PM
Good parallel structure towards the end. I really liked your theme.
Posted by: Max Merhige | 11/05/2019 at 06:40 PM
I liked how you gave the 4 sentences to really describe and hammer home the theme. It did a very good job concluding the writing.
Posted by: William O'Malley | 11/05/2019 at 06:47 PM
Great narrative voice. I loved when you hammered home the theme. Good job
Posted by: Eli Zahavi | 11/05/2019 at 07:06 PM