Daily Journal #1

Today is Saturday. The first weekend off of online learning. I don’t really know what to do right now. For a few days before school started, I was excited to get back, back to being busy, back in the swing of things, but right now, more than ever, I’m left with a sinking feeling of loneliness. I didn’t feel it in the first couple weeks, but the novelty of staying home all day is starting to wear off. I feel stuck in an infinite loop of work and relaxation, neither of them being that fulfilling. But it’s nice to be back. In the face of a tragedy a lot of people are feeling alone. I get to talk to my friends on a regular basis, and that’s nice. It’s just hard to know what I’m supposed to be doing I guess. You say you don’t have the time to do anything, but when the time comes, you don’t know what to do. It’s hard being locked inside. 

I try to occupy my time as best as possible. I still find myself on my phone for a little too long, though. 

The strangest thing for me about all this are the online classes. It’s great to connect with everyone again, but you don’t get the interaction that you have in a classroom. I don’t walk out of class chatting like I could at school, instead, I click and button and the room fills with a hollow silence. You don’t have the personal experiences that you get from in person classes. 

It’s still better than nothing. I don’t really know how long this is going to last, but I hope it ends soon. There’s a lot going on in my life right now. I still have to make a decision about school, on top of the fact that this is my last year at Fenn. It’s strange  to think that I might never see some of my classmates again after this year. 

There’s a lot of uncertainty going on right now, but I guess there always has been, at least for me. I know we’ll get through it though.