Solitary Walk
05/10/2020
Alone
"It's better to walk alone than with a crowd walking in the wrong direction."
-Herman Siu
Just because there are people around doesn't mean your not walking alone. You can be alone in any situation. Any. I have been alone in a full room many times in my life. Looking at familiar faces but not recognizing them. I went through a whole week in this state of emptiness. Laughing with no emotion, smiling with no meaning, walking alone with people all around. Wearing a mask covering all emotion.
Back in the early months of school, I lost myself, I became a blank page. I would laugh and smile, but I didn't feel anything. I was empty. I went to school, did my classes, and went home, nothing changed, I felt nothing. I still feel this today. I will always feel it. I wish I was joking about this, but losing my Grandmother, made me walk alone. Feeling that way was horrible, but things like that happen in life, everyone will walk alone at some point. Nobody can hide from pain. I remember so many people coming over that week, offering their condolences, and bringing gifts. I was waiting to feel something, when I was hanging out with friends I was waiting for something to click, for me to really feel something. But it never happened. Loss truly is the worst feeling. I was able to sit staring at nothing for hours, I just wanted to feel something. But I never did, I really was empty. Than something happened. I was sitting in my room doing nothing, staring at the walls, when my dad told me to get out of my room and do something. I did the only thing that came to mind. I grabbed my skateboard and went outside in the cold fall air and skated. I lost track of time and I finally felt something. The crisp wind pounding on my face, the wore down wheels spinning on the hard cement, the feeling of freedom. To find myself, I had to walk alone.
Loss is horrible, but unavoidable, everyone will lose someone eventually, and I took it extra hard, I felt alone and empty for weeks, I lost myself. I thought surrounding myself with friends and family, but to find myself I had to walk alone, to feel I had to empty my already empty soul. I had to walk alone to lose my self convicted solitary confinement.
This was an extremely well written, emotional post. You did a great job at connecting being alone to dealing with problems, without actually having to mention the actual walk. You brought the solitary meaning through just an incredible story, great job!
Posted by: William O'Malley | 05/10/2020 at 11:13 PM
This was a great piece Ethan! The emotions that you put on the paper really added a lot to this piece. It also gave the piece a deeper meaning. I too have lost someone and going outside really helped me like you said in the piece. Great writing Ethan!
Posted by: Rory Kennealy | 05/11/2020 at 08:29 AM
There is line in an old folk song which sings, "you got to walk that Lonesome Valley. You got to walk it by yourself. Ain't nobody here going to do it for you. You got a walk in by yourself." I love this piece in every way. It reflects deeply and wisely and poignantly. Simply by remembering your grandmother, you'll never walk alone. I also love the twist at the end when you get on your skateboard and feel the real air.
Posted by: Fitz... | 05/12/2020 at 09:49 AM