The end to a long, fun journey 

       I feel I have grown a lot this year as a student, a writer, as a person and as a friend. Specifically in English I have learned that writing is a passion for me and next year I am excited to continue to learn who I am as a writer. Now not everything has been smiles and sunshine, there have been harder parts of school and life, but I have learned that that’s ok. There are always times in English when the endless metacognition or excessive commenting have seeming over the top or unnecessary, but I know that they were all for bettering us as learners, building endurance for the harder parts of school and I will take that with me in high school. It has been a less than ideal ending to a great five years of my life, but I am proud to be graduating and moving on. While I am scared for high school, I am determined to make life long connections much like the ones I have made at Fenn. The end of this year feels different and I think that this is due to the fact that I haven’t yet fully realized that next year I won’t be at Fenn. I know one of these days it’s going to hit me and I will definitely be sad, but I want to feel happy about my time at Fenn rather than feeling sad it’s over. Fenn has prepared me for so much to come down the line and I could not be more great full for that. I really don’t know a life without Fenn, the long days and commutes have been a massive part of my life and in an instant, it’s all over. It feels like just yesterday Mrs. Smith was welcoming me to her classroom and now, now I am about to be entering high school. It’s a big step and it does scare me a little, but I know that I am going to do well and thrive even if I don’t always feel like it. To think that today is the last day of school is weird, it’s honestly hard to wrap my mind around and I think I will soon fully realize how much Fenn meant to me. It’s a hard task to recap a large chunk of your childhood, it’s both nostalgic and eye opening, but I am glad I have the chance to reflect. I may not know a life without Fenn, but I’m excited to explore the unknown, learn new things, meet new people and take all the best parts of Fenn with me.

       No matter the circumstances, good friends will have your back. I feel very lucky to say that I have an incredible group of loyal, kind friends who will always be there for me. I feel that having friends that will always be there for me is very important. I always feel very great full to have friends that will be there for me when I need them. I think that having good close friends is a crucial part of everyone’s life. A few summers back I decided to face one of my biggest fears with one of my closest friends. What I wanted to do was no incredible feat, but it was big for me. I wanted to go to a sleep away camp. I had never really been away from home ever and this was going to be a two week camp with little to no contact with the outside world. I was nervous and excited, but that nervous excitement soon turned into deep longing to lay in my own bed, eat in my own kitchen, and be with my family. As the days passed on each feeling slower than the last I longed for home and didn’t enjoy myself very much. But one of my closest friends stood with me the whole time, weather I was upset or in a more pleasant mood, he was there for me. Seeing how a friend can have you back made me happier, I felt like I had a piece of home with me and it was nice. Without my friend, the experience would have been much more difficult and I don’t know weather I could have got through it as easily. On the flip side, I learned that being there for your friend, showing the gesture can make all the difference sometimes. From that time on I never took our friendship for granted and I wanted. I will always strive to be there for my friends as my friends have been there for me. I know that the simple gesture of being there for someone can make all the difference.

A 1 minute video rich with emotion.

The Wall of Words

An ominous blank screen with never ending possibility

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” 

~Maya Angelou

    The white screen in front of me is never ending. It stands up and bears its teeth, telling me to back down, I can’t write. Words form in my head, but sentences never come together. Random words come and go like a train in the station. There are few things scarier than the emptiness of a page.

My fingers rest on the keys, but they don’t move. I write a few words and quickly delete it all, it is not worthy of having a place on the screen. My head blocks up, a wall is formed from my brain to my hands. My eyes unfocus, lazy and empty. My mind wanders here and there, without a clear aim or destination. The harder I think, the larger the wall becomes. The wall feels like a prison, words bursting at the seems ready to dance on the screen, but I know they won’t. 

I am stuck. Words ping-pong off the sides of my head, bouncing back in forth. I try to pull together sentences, but they wont connect. I find my grove, my fingers dance along the keys and just as soon as I formulate an idea, its gone. I am stuck again. My idea is gone, dead. But I don’t loose hope, I try again, now I have momentum. My fingers race along the keys, the clicking and clacking gets louder and louder as I type away. Ideas flow, thoughts form. Imaginary light bulbs go off over my head. My eyes reflect the words I type. Ideas come in and out of my head, they come in waves crashing across the filling screen. Cracks begin to form in the wall, holes of light comes through and so do ideas. The Barack adds break down and my thoughts flow like a powerful river, ripping through the cracked wall onto the page.

My ideas are soon complete, the wall is broken down.

The Power of Music

“You are the music while the music lasts”

~T.S. Eliot

    When one need to escape the stress and difficulties of the modern world, they go to music. After a long day, during a long car ride, in the calm before the storm of a game, I find peace in music. It takes away all of my thoughts and lets me focus on the lyrics and beat. To me music means a lot, I use it to focus, I use it to relax, I use it to let go of my other feelings. After a long day at school, filled to the brim social and educational stresses, I escaped all of my stress through music. Once I put my earbuds in and thee outside world drowned out, I could relax and calm my stress. To me, any song loaded onto my phone is good enough to save me from stress. Music not only helps me relax, it also holds memories. I will re-listen to a song from the summer and remember a fun day at cap with my friends, or listen to a song and be transported to a cold rainy bus ride. Any which way, music helps, wether it is holding memories like a photo book or taking the difficulties of the outside world away. Another way in which music helps is through the playing of it. When I set down behind the massive set of keys, I can find peace in the melody and loose my stress. When I am playing the piano, there is nothing els in my mind, I am focused and awake, I am present, it is what I would strive to be without having to be playing music. In conclusion I think one of the greatest tools one could have in their tool belt, is the use of music, wether that is to relive stress, or to keep memories, or just as something to do in free time.

A place to find peace

   For as long as I can remember I have gone to a small house in Maine, its quaint, made of wood, no electricity, no flushing toilet, no wifi, no screens that was passed down from my grandma to my mom. It sits on a plot of land facing a small lake. The water is always calm, seldom disturbed by unwanted boats and the fish, loons and cranes live peacefully. Now, I am not an outdoorsy type, I would take a mall over a hike any day, but in Maine, in that small town that no ones heard of, in that cabin without a light, I feel at peace.

    I my eyes my life technology play a massive part, now more than ever, but when I go up there none of that matters, I leave the world of wifi far behind me while I am up there. To me I always think I need to have my phone or I need to be inside, but here I can be at peace. Up on the lake time moves at a different speed, I could spend hours sitting on the roof, letting my feet dangle over the shingles on the roof as I stare out across the desolate lake. There is some peace in having no attachment to the outside world. Knowing that where you are is the only thing that matters, it is in Maine that I feel most present and aware. The differences between that house and mine are uncountable, but thats why I love it, the regular daily routine change, its always more about the experience and less about getting there because in Maine, I am always right where I should be.

    Where else can I ride dirt-bikes without a care in the world, where else can I shoot BB guns at cans, where else can I go swimming in a fresh clean lake. Nothing is the same up there, but when I learn that thats ok, when I learn to embrace that, that is when I have the most fun.

    Waking up on a soft cot and staring through a screen pain window out onto a still lake while the sun rises is an incredible feeling. Falling asleep to the distant crickets and the calling of the loons all because its dark out and theres no point to be awake after dark is an incredible feeling. I learn to find peace in everything, I learn to love the small aspects of my days there that are enjoyable and memorable, maybe as simple as taking a boat ride down to a local ice cream shop to enjoy a kiddie cone of oreo ice cream, or maybe its driving down to our friends place to ride dirt bikes, or maybe its jumping into a lake and smiling, laughing and having fun. To me there is no comparable place and I don’t think I will ever find such an incredible place.

    I think the biggest takeaway that I have from Maine is that its about finding peace and accepting where you are. I struggle staying present and in the moment, my thoughts often flow into some other topic than whats right in front of me. Rather than thinking about the math test I will think about what sports will be like, rather than thinking about how long it is until lunch, rather than thinking about what I have right in front of my, my head will be a thousand miles away thinking of something that in the long run doesn’t matter. This small cabin, in the middle of the woods, looking over a still lake has taught me so many unforgettable life lessons about being present and finding peace in everything. 

    When I went out today there was an odd almost eerie stillness and quietness. Few cars dared to drive and few people chose to walk. Those few people who were outside walked with purpose, trying to avoid contact and interaction with others. Oblivious to the masked insanity around them, the birds still chirped, the sun still blazes warming the earth and the fresh flowers begin to poke there colorful heads from the dirt. 

    I know these times are temporary, but it feels weird. I will be ecstatic once I can return to normal life. My only concern will be that people will stay paranoid after life starts to return to normal. I am confident however, that we as a society will be able to adjust back to our everyday lives.

    Being on this walk gave me a lot of time to think about all that has been going on. I realized how much my normal life meant to me. I thought I would be ok having some time to lay on the couch and watch TV, but I found quite the opposite, I miss everything about what I had before quarantine. On my walk I realized that I had taken everything for granted and now that its gone I miss it more than every.

    The walk was very eye opening, to see the world in its weird, odd, glory and it was great to be alone. In quarantine I never get a chance to be away from my family, (for better or for worse) so getting a few minutes to myself to think about all the things that have been going on was great. I hope to take more walks like this, getting out and alone, time to think. There is this sort of sadness in the realization that everything is out of my control, regardless of how much I may hope that things will go back to normal, there is nothing that I can do. It’s a difficult thing to process, but I know that there is a nation feeling the same way.

    I don’t know what the future will hold, I don’t know how the rest of quarantine will go. What I do know is that the most important thing is that my family is safe and we have enough food and that is all that I can ask for.

An exploration of some of the things I Love

I love being with friends and family. In these trying times I see that more than ever. I have taken advantage of the time I have with my friends and family and now I would give anything to get that back. I thought that some time off, a lot of Netflix and some video games would be no trouble, but I often end up finding myself thinking about my time at Fenn as the close comes closer and closer. Many friends who I have known for the past five years, I will never see again, that is a difficult thought that I have not and will not soon fully process or understand.

I love time outside. Now the idea of walking down to the park and shooting hoops or going on the swings seems a thing of the past. I wish I could go up to Maine, jump into a warm lake and swim without the concern of some crazy pandemic. I can’t wait until I can go outside without a mask, without the fear of Covid, but for now I will have to put up with what I have.

What is now is different and we will all have to learn to adjust and accept our new living.

Some (somewhat) composed thoughts about strange times

    As I sit down to write something my mind becomes blank. But the harder I think about it, I realize that the biggest writing topic sits right in front of me: a seemingly endless quarantine. Each day is similar and different from the next, one day I may feel very sedentary and content with laying on the couch and watching a surplus of Netflix, but other days I have a deep desire to go out in the world, to see friends, even to go to school. I realize now how much we really take for granted. Things as simple as walking to my local Walgreens and buying a pack of gum now feels distant and unrealistic. What I haven’t yet fully processed is that we are living in a time that will go down in history. Thats a crazy thing to think about, at least for me, because I have taken this so lightly and haven’t given it much thought when in reality this time will forever be remembered. The thing I struggle with most is the difference to old everyday life, going to the mall to buy a new pair of shoes is a thing of the past, taking an hour long bus ride to The Fenn School in Concord is a thing of the past, walking down to the park and playing Spike-Ball around is a thing of the past. My biggest fear is that when we enviable go back to regular everyday life, it won’t be the same, but that is something that I will just have to wait and see.

A place to find peace

   For as long as I can remember I have gone to a small house in Maine, its quaint, made of wood, no electricity, no flushing toilet, no wifi, no screens that was passed down from my grandma to my mom. It sits on a plot of land facing a small lake. The water is always calm, seldom disturbed by unwanted boats and the fish, loons and cranes live peacefully. Now, I am not an outdoorsy type, I would take a mall over a hike any day, but in Maine, in that small town that no ones heard of, in that cabin without a light, I feel at peace.

    I my eyes my life technology play a massive part, now more than ever, but when I go up there none of that matters, I leave the world of wifi far behind me while I am up there. To me I always think I need to have my phone or I need to be inside, but here I can be at peace. Up on the lake time moves at a different speed, I could spend hours sitting on the roof, letting my feet dangle over the shingles on the roof as I stare out across the desolate lake. There is some peace in having no attachment to the outside world. Knowing that where you are is the only thing that matters, it is in Maine that I feel most present and aware. The differences between that house and mine are uncountable, but thats why I love it, the regular daily routine change, its always more about the experience and less about getting there because in Maine, I am always right where I should be.

    Where else can I ride dirt-bikes without a care in the world, where else can I shoot BB guns at cans, where else can I go swimming in a fresh clean lake. Nothing is the same up there, but when I learn that thats ok, when I learn to embrace that, that is when I have the most fun.

    Waking up on a soft cot and staring through a screen pain window out onto a still lake while the sun rises is an incredible feeling. Falling asleep to the distant crickets and the calling of the loons all because its dark out and theres no point to be awake after dark is an incredible feeling. I learn to find peace in everything, I learn to love the small aspects of my days there that are enjoyable and memorable, maybe as simple as taking a boat ride down to a local ice cream shop to enjoy a kiddie cone of oreo ice cream, or maybe its driving down to our friends place to ride dirt bikes, or maybe its jumping into a lake and smiling, laughing and having fun. To me there is no comparable place and I don’t think I will ever find such an incredible place.

    I think the biggest takeaway that I have from Maine is that its about finding peace and accepting where you are. I struggle staying present and in the moment, my thoughts often flow into some other topic than whats right in front of me. Rather than thinking about the math test I will think about what sports will be like, rather than thinking about how long it is until lunch, rather than thinking about what I have right in front of my, my head will be a thousand miles away thinking of something that in the long run doesn’t matter. This small cabin, in the middle of the woods, looking over a still lake has taught me so many unforgettable life lessons about being present and finding peace in everything.