The Thoughts in Someone’s Mind

Disclaimer: this is not a true story and this is not my actual feelings. This is a fictional story of the emotions and pain of an imaginary person that I made up. This is not supposed to be a comparison to my life or anyone else’s. There are dark points in this story.

No matter how much you think you know someone, they always have secrets or  something there hiding. It can be as innocent as a secret fear, or something much darker. People can have two faces, be a nice, funny, happy guy on the outside, but there can be something much different going on inside of them. 

Emotions and thoughts are what’s covering them up. You can pretend to be one thing, yet really be another. We don’t know how people are really feeling on the inside, and what’s going on during the other part of there life. There’s a calm wind on the outside, but a storm underneath. Growing up is tough for some kids and there is a common trait between kids, being normal. Being normal is a must have for every kid, whether its the fear of being made fun of, or the worry that you will not be accepted. To be normal in a kids mind, is to follow the popular trends going on in school or on the media. And if you don’t, you stand out like a tulip in a field of dandelions. And if you don’t have thick enough skin (and most kids don’t) you will get a tirade of insults and frowns from kids making you feel like your some alien from another planet. And if your ever do something different your looked at weirdly. But what does this have to do with emotions, its that when you are different the worry and fear in your mind of not being accepted damages not only yourself, but your self esteem. And like I said in the beginning thats why people hide there emotions. They can be some happy, friendly guy; but the only reason there acting that way, is because no one wants to see what he truly is. No one accepts that he is a different person than others. And we don’t see everything that goes on in peoples lives, so when they get home from a bad day or a good day they truly show who they are. And they express there feelings, in there head or to others. They get to there room and stomp on the floor like and elephant in a mountain of rage. They let the beast out inside of them and act differently. The second they meet up with there friends they act like your average joe, being so called “normal” but sometimes people get sick and tired of holding there beast in, and having to shelter there emotions and feelings, afraid of coming out to others. And some people release in hopes for good results but sometimes get bad. Some people react to this way of “coming out” by saying things like, “you should’ve told me earlier” and “you shouldn’t have hid that from others.” But like I said some results can be bad, when they tell there friends or family what they truly think and believe. There is shouts of outrage from the others, “how could you think that” and “this is unacceptable.” If you get accepted, your happy and life is good. That beast that was once it side of you was let free into the wilderness to harm another human being. But if you weren’t accepted then your emotions continue to build up filling up the container, and eventually after so many years of anger and annoyance, the container spills leaving the calmness of yourself and the peacefulness in the dust, but the frustration that was built up after being unaccepted over an over again is released and you are looked at differently as now you have damaged others from the frustration you had. And now you got no where. You started as an innocent little kid with a small insecurity but now you end with a empty, depressed figure sulking around with no happiness left behind. 

You couldn’t trust anyone anymore, after all they either didn’t accept you, or you were worried they would. Your meter was filling up and no longer is it from 1-100, it is in the negatives as 1 meant that you were at the worst state possible, and 100 being at your best. But now your left at -9000 feeling like a dead carcass being dragged around trying to find support in someone new. You lost your old friends and family, and now your looking for a new source of energy, someone to recharge your battery and get you back up from -9000 to 100. But should you though? Should you? Should you attempt to regain comfort from others; because after all, you have been let down so many times. This another big decision in your confusing life. A life of ups and downs, wait no I mean a life of downs. Your life was never good, admit it. Even when you were acting like an average joe hanging out with your friends, did you really have fun with them. You really wanted to be yourself. But you were restricted to by no one other than yourself. You thought that is was the other people holding you back, but it was yourself? Throughout all the suffering you’ve endured your own mind and body caused this. No, no it can’t be, throughout all this time you thought it was the other people holding you back telling you that you cant be what you want to be. But there was no one to blame but yourself, “its all your fault you said” in rage slapping yourself in the face, crying while repeating that one phrase. Your stuck in this difficult mindset, one filled with chaos, confusion and anger. Questioning yourself wondering if this really was your fault, or if its all in your head, what is really going on you ask to yourself. Should you be shaming yourself and blaming yourself for everything you’ve done or is it everyone else’s fault?

They tell me I need to get help, but no one can recover me and as I lay on my bed, tears falling down my face, as I ponder about my life as a whole, and try to find a good memory in the thousands of bad memories, like I’m trying to find a four leaf clover, but Ive had no luck and I don't think I ever will.

my improvement as a writer

I sit in this desolate room wondering what to write for this final metacognition. Metacognition were not my favorite, I find them quite boring in fact. But I’m must do well as this final assignment is like a kiss goodbye to my 8th grade English year. Over the last 3 months in quarantine Ive learned the most in English, I don’t know if its because of no distractions in the classroom, or if its because I got a bit more creative and imaginative in my stories. Which ever one it is however, it sure helped a lot as Ive improved significantly as a writer. My writing also got more fluent. Usually my assignments and writing pieces were just ramblings of me talking, edited together to look nice. It was like opening up a treasure chest and finding dog poop inside. At the start of the year I was not a good writer. I didn’t use similes or metaphors, I didn’t use any techniques, it was like I was just writing down a conversation with myself. Nothing sounded right and nothing was right. I stopped writing about stuff that didn’t interest me. Because as we all know, you want be motivated if your doing something you don’t like. So because of that, I broke a few rules, thought outside of the box. And I began to write to no limits and create stories that I liked to make. And create characters and be in a setting that is fun and interesting to me. And that’s what’s important to a writer, if you write something you like writing, it might not be good; but you will love writing it. 

“And if your not having fun, your not living” -Reggie. 

My thoughts while I’m walking

I remember when I could walk freely and hang out with people, I remember when I didn’t have to step six feet away from a person whenever I saw someone, I remember when I was free. But now due to these current situations, it really is hard to do things normally and like you used to be able to. 

The world doesn’t feel right. Going on walks in the woods used to be the highlight of my day, but now whenever I go one them, I am anxious to get out due to the number of people in there that could of infected me. This paranoid brain I have has ruined the happiness I had in going on walks. And it doesn’t feel the same. Due to this virus a lot fo people are going outside and going on walks for exercise and 

Every time a see someone in the woods or on one of my walks, they have a depressed, sulking figure with a blank expression on there face. I feel like everyone’s hope has departed and your left with a feeling like you’ve been crushed. I no longer see smiles, but frowns and worried faces; scared for the unknown future, anxious for what’s next. The happy moments with friends and family have disintegrated and all thats left is a question, “when?” When will it be over? When will life be normal again? And were left with no answer and no matter how many exaggerated lies put out there about how its getting better, were still left in this unsure mindset.

No ones enjoying this, and no one should. It’s not fun, and we truly miss our friends and family. And as much as I want to end it on a wholesome note, where I say how we should all stay in contact and say, “its gonna get better!” But is it though, is it gonna get better? This question remains unanswered and even the smartest of people, don’t know how this is going to end, but for now keep writing and enjoy Mr. Fitz’s class, peace.

The Man in the Driveway

I was in my room, laying in my bed and my heart was pounding. I felt my pulse bouncing beating like a drum. There was someone outside of my house. My blankets were pulled over my head in fear I had to get another look though, at this strange person in my driveway. “What is happening?!” I said to myself, this was scary. Who was he? What did he want. These worried questions overpowered my mind like an infectious disease. I have never been in a situation like this.

I gained enough courage and in one quick motion turned to the window, and saw him. It was dark outside so his face wasn’t visible, but I did see that he had a suit and tie on. He looked like a business man coming back from an important meeting. He was looking down though so I couldn’t see his face, this seemed somewhat relieving knowing that the man didn’t notice me. But my little hope drained away as his face turned to my window. 

I screamed but covered my mouth after realized the stupidity of that. I wanted it to end, my mind was racing like I was on a rollercoaster. But there was one thought above all, “what do I do?” I didn’t have many options, I couldn’t confront the man, and my phone was downstairs and I was paralyzed in fear, but I did feel comfortable with one option, talking to my parents. This seemed safe, as parents usually know what to do in situations like this. I got up and walked towards the their door, I took a deep breath and thought of what I was going to say to them. I stepped in and blurted out in a loud voice to wake them up, “there’s a strange man in our drive-” I paused and looked at there bed and saw no one in the room. I collapsed over and a wave of panic like a tsunami came over me, “where am I!?” i screamed with horror. Then everything went black. 

I woke up hyperventilating and struggling for air, I realized that I just had a terrible nightmare, ad one that was life like and felt real. I felt so relieved to know that I was safe and all was well. I looked outside expecting the worse and saw nothing. I let out a monstrous sigh of relief as I confirmed that I was now in the real world and that the strange man in my dreams was gone.

As I took a second deep breath, and released it slowly, I saw something in the corner of my room, I said “no! No! It can’t be!” And I saw him, the man with the suit. Then the temperature in the room changed like a storm was starting. I jumped up from my bed in fear as the man started getting up from the corner he was already in. He nearly teleported to my bed and right in front of my face he said, “never leave, always here.”